And in this corner, weighing in at 45 fast lies and 12 furious knockouts…

Watching the debate, Cigars and Legs Style

First off, select a nice Scotch. I’ll be going with a Glenmorangie, though I’m not sure which one yet. Aged at least twelve years (though the Mac 10 is great, too!), a good Scotch, or a Bourbon, or a Tennessee Whiskey will help you get through the debate and, dare I say, see things more clearly than the people on stage.

If you want to turn it into a drinking game (though games are usually fun and this is serious business), here are some suggestions:

– Any time one of the town hall questioners is a stereotype of any sort, have a sip (good whisky is sipped!).

– Any time either candidate accuses the other of lying, take a sip.

There, now you’re drunk within the first ten minutes. A few rules for the heavy drinkers:

– Any time anyone interrupts before the time is up, sip.

– Any time Mitt Romney references his business experience, half a sip (a full sip would kill you!)

– Any time President Obama looks petulant, take a half sip (same rule as above).

– Any time Romney talks about Libya, sip.

– Any time Obama talks about out-sourcing jobs, sip.

If you’re still standing, you are quite the man.

We here at Cigars and Legs, of course, endorse the Philip Marlowe/Sam Spade ticket. Word is they’ll make Dick Diamond press secretary and Mike Hammer Secretary of Defense. Can’t really argue with those picks!

Listeners of the Adventures of Philip Marlowe (especially the Gerald Mohr episodes) will know why: Most problems will be solved with a vicious pistol whipping, and how many of us haven’t wanted to see someone go upside a snide talking head’s or slimy politician’s head with the butt of a .38?

Holmes knows we could use some cutting, hard-boiled honesty in our political ranks. Imagine Ron Cavanaugh as Speaker of the House — the hammer’d certainly be used to call for order then!

Whoever you support, look at where we are now, where we’re currently heading, and where we were four, eight, and twelve years ago. Look at the issues, and the candidates actions — not their words or PAC commercials. Look at the current administration in whole — not just the top two guys. They choose who to put in the cabinet. Imagine a Romney/Ryan cabinet. Think about it. If you can’t do that, kindly don’t vote. We don’t need a country whose leadership is determined by blind party loyalty.

This is likely the most important election of our lives.