Chivalry isn’t a one sided coin.

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Over at Return of Kings, there’s an article titled Why Chivalry is Dead. It links to this mess, which I will be quoting here.

First, I’m ignoring point 1 (Elevator Etiquette), as that’s just a weird requirement. You get off depending on how close you are to the door so as not to create confusion. “Why isn’t this guy moving?” Put your smart phone down and pay attention so you can get off before the door closes, sweetie. (I guess I didn’t ignore it after all.)

Point two is just silly.

If a female walks past you, for God’s sake, do not turn your head and stare at her behind. If she is talking to you, don’t stare down her shirt. If you’re driving down the road, don’t honk or yell “hey sexy!!!!” Gross. Undressing a girl with your eyes is one of the most disgusting and degrading things you could possibly do to her. Don’t worry about getting a date, you’ve already ruined it by being a pig.

I can see how the ones after the second sentence would be a bit annoying. Nobody should honk their horn except to raise attention (ie, you’re going 55 in the fast lane and the speed limit is 70, or you’re about to merge INTO MY CAR…). But the first two points? It’s reflex to turn and look. Every man does it, unless he’s gay or broken. Any man saying he doesn’t is either lying or broken. He’s probably trying to be a “nice guy” and trick you into sex. (Hint: He’s not actually nice.)

As for staring down her shirt: Look, it’s distracting when a lot of cleavage is on display. If I had my balls hanging out of my jeans you’d look too. You are denigrating men for responding to something that is programmed into them. Breasts, fertility, all of that, it’s a subconscious thing to be aware of it.

I’ll grant point three, with one note: When I had knee surgery, I had to sit down a lot. Don’t assume.

Four and five will likely get you fired in a professional work place at this juncture.

“Compliment a lady today” she says.

Dear God, don’t. Self esteems are already inflated. Also, at work this could get you fired.

6 – Don’t let a door shut on anyone, that’s rude.

Seven, I will grant.

Now, for my seven behaviors women should engage in:

1 – Etiquette

If a man, or a woman, opens a door for you, or holds an elevator, or does anything that is polite: Say “thank you.” Don’t act like it’s beneath you, don’t act like it’s an assumed role for them. Say “thank you.” It encourages good behavior. I’ve received some pretty rude reactions to me opening a door for someone, or holding a door, and it’s gotten to the point where I say, “you’re welcome, bitch” under my breath. You aren’t better than me because I’ve got manners and you don’t. It’s quite the opposite.

2 – Being Nice

If a man does something nice for you, don’t act like or assume he’s “creepy”. “Creepy” is a word that means “man I don’t want to fuck doing me favors.” It does not mean creepy anymore. Creepy behavior is looking in windows or following people. Being nice does not equal creepy.

If I hold a door for you, I’m not trying to sleep with you. I’ve got that base well covered and my wife is prettier than you.

3 – Dressing Nice

If you’re wearing a whore’s uniform… Look, I don’t slut shame, and I’m not claiming women who dress slutty are responsible if they are raped (clothing is not consent). But what I’m saying is: If you dress like a harlot, expect men to look at you like you’re a harlot. You may or may not be a harlot, you may just be expressing yourself, whatever. But if a man is looking at you, and doing nothing else, then you have no right to try and shame him for who he is.

Female sexuality is accepted. So should male sexuality. Looking isn’t hurting you.

And I guarantee if the guy looked more like (Brad Pitt or whoever is currently famous and attractive) his gaze wouldn’t bother you. Or if he was Jabba the Hutt in a suit made of hundred dollar bills.

Actually, that’s it. If men weren’t shamed and otherwise vilified for being nice, they’d probably be more nice. I go out of my way to help women a whole lot less than I used to because I got sick of rude bitches and being called creepy. So maybe you should write articles denigrating your fellow woman for making so many men jaded. This is a two way street, honey.

I’ve mentioned before that I don’t participate in or really care about slut and/or fat shaming, and that’s the truth. But here’s the thing: If I’m expected to allow your sexuality and not shame it, the same goes for mine. If you don’t want men to fat-shame, fine, go fuck a fat guy. Otherwise don’t talk to me about how cruel the world is to women if they’re overweight. I’m still overweight myself (the knee really put a slowdown on my losing weight), so I know what it’s like as a fat guy. It’s not nice to us, either, and women are just as judgy about it.

If you’re a fat guy you’ve got to seriously make up for it in some other way, and the same thing is true of being a fat woman. You can’t come to the dance with nothing to offer and then bitch about it.

This stupid idea that somehow men are to blame for the death of chivalry is so offensive to me, as a man who spent a ridiculous amount of time as a white knight. I put up with a lot of shit from some seriously substandard women before waking up and finding Bendy. I did put aside looks and dated ugly and/or fat women. It didn’t win me shit. I’m not even saying you owe me something if I’m nice to you.

But if I’m nice to you and I get bitch in return?

Well, I learned my lesson, didn’t I?