Game of Thrones: Stormboned.

      No Comments on Game of Thrones: Stormboned.

Spoilers, obviously. Recap then predictions.

Starting with Stormborn:
– We see Dany and her war council, and she just now decides to get snitty with Varys about his loyalties. I love that he said he’d turn on her if she was crazy, and she said, “Turn on me and I’ll burn you alive.” Bitch I’d kill you in your sleep… Also, Olenna offered some bad advice in my opinion.

– Oh hey, that red murdering bitch showed up. Of course she wandered back to Stannis’ old keep; and of course she’s still clinging to the next hotness for the prince who was promised. Good scene for setting up the Snow/Dany partnership most people have been wanting since Game of Thrones came out in the 90s. Finally. Twenty years later. Also, they confirmed the whole gender/prince/princess thing that a lot of people talk about; which puts more weight on “Arya is going to eventually kill Cersei.”

– I knew at some point Euron would make himself known with all those boats. Thank GOD he offed two of the Sand Snakes; I couldn’t take another minute of that bullshit. I suppose Ellaria will live long enough for him to turn her over to Cersei. Also, what a freaking punk Theon is.

– Oh, and I’m not even going to discuss the bullshit sex scene that lasted way too long and accomplished nothing. We’re down to minutes, guys, and this is what you give us? Maybe my faith in the Sam stuff was wasted.

King’s Landing:
– Cersei talking about Dany being nuts is fucking rich. She just blew up the biggest church in the capital city. The capital city she lives in. To get at one old dude she could have had ripped apart. And it made her son kill himself. Seriously, that woman is freaking crazy. Also, that Tarly guy is awful noble for a dickweed.

The Citadel:
– Sam is a Mary Sue, isn’t he? He’s writing “A Song of Ice and Fire” and he’s the world’s biggest Mary Sue.

– Also; he learned to cure greyscale. What’s next for Sam? Learning to make Valerian steel? Growing cocks back? I bet that latter one would win him a few friends.

Up Norf:
– Jon is going to go meet Dany!

– Littlefinger has been nerfed, hard. Is he going to do something stupid/foolish to get back at Jon/Sansa? Is it going to cost him his life? I just have a feeling his purpose is done now.

– Arya is heading norf! Bran is heading souf! Or, maybe, we didn’t get to see him this episode because we were focusing on people without dicks.

Now, the predicting:

King’s Landing: From the preview, it looks like Euron brings in the captives. I cannot imagine Cersei waiting long to hurt them; I will not be surprised if she drags it out, but they will get hurt starting this episode. I don’t think Cersei is going to fawn all over Euron, but she’s going to be happy enough with her toys. Euron is also going to be happy enough being fucking crazy some more…

Dragonstone: With the weird travel thing going on, Jon and Davos may or may not arrive this episode. I can’t imagine they’ll put this off for long; I do not expect Jon to be as willing to kiss-ass as Dany wants. I do expect Davos to kill Melisandre if he sees her, or at least try. Tyrion/Jon will be an interesting meeting. If this happens this ep — travel in the Seven Kingdoms is weird. We might just get another thirty minutes of shit nobody cares about. Jon is going to ask for dragon glass; Dany is going to ask for loyalty; Davos is going to say something cool. If it is put off a week, I’ll just C&P this paragraph…

Casterly Rock: In the preview, it looks like Unsullied fighting men in red and gold briefly. Are they going to arrive at Casterly Rock? Or do the Lannisters catch them somewhere else? I think they’ll arrive there, because travel in Westeros is fucking weird.

Winterfell: Preview shows Sansa walking somewhere either with purpose or aggravated; maybe Bran or Arya have come home? Maybe Littlefinger has done something really stupid. Who knows? There’s not even a bit of dialogue here. But if Euron can boat from King’s Landing to Dragonstone and back in two episodes time, Bran can certainly get dragged to Winterfell from Castle Black. That’s my best guess; I don’t think Arya will be back yet, because they’ll want to stagger the Stark Family Reunion.

– I don’t know why, but the scene of Dany sitting on the dragon throne looks… stupid? Funny? Just, the way it was shot in the preview looks like she’s a blond hermit crab or something. The chair looks great when nobody is sitting in it, and it might look better if her dress weren’t blending in.