Shit Happens

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Over ten months ago I woke up and my knee was just killing me. After limping around through work for about half a day I came home to rest it and see if I felt any better. By midnight it was obviously not getting better but rather much worse. The next day in the emergency room they tested the fluid in my knee and determined I had a septic joint, and something had to be done. Near immediately they put me in a strong IV antibiotic and scheduled a knee washout for that very evening. They were pretty serious.

Two days later, on Halloween, I went home, and I was back at work (with the help of a cane) on Monday. After a few more days the doctor sent me on to physical therapy, and after a course of that lasting ’til just after Christmas, I was free to go. Continue doing the exercises and it should get better.

Well, it has and it hasn’t. I plateaued and nothing I’ve done has helped. I went from losing weight to gaining it.

Around March, I became addicted to the reactions of attention whores on social media. Unable to be awesome in reality I became awesome through text, letting out the bad boy. But it only made me feel worse; a temporary high followed by a pretty awful low until I could find the next reaction.

Like with the knee the events were controlling me and I was rolled up in a tsunami that decided when and where I could breathe.

I didn’t like it.

Be a BearIn August I walked away from Twitter almost entirely. I stopped gaining weight. I went to a doctor and have had my testosterone checked (it is low; we are going to start TRT — and that likely had an impact on my ability to gain the strength back in my quadriceps).

No longer will events control me. I will dictate what I do with my own life. Things will pop up, things will impact my abilities in life. There’s nothing that will allow control over the weather, or other people, or just random chance.

But I can decide what I do in the face of events.