Even though I’m not a Republican
There are currently fourteen people running for the Republican nomination that even cause a blip in the polls. I’m going to talk for a minute about each of them, and my own opinions. I would talk about the Democrats as well but there is no chance in hell I would vote for any of them: they have all said they are totally opposed to my rights as a citizen and that’s a non-starter.
There aren’t as many as people think:
Donald Trump: I still don’t completely believe that his change of heart was real, or that he believes what he says. He’s starting to convince me but it was such a recent turn around that I worry he’s playing a populist game with us. That said, I recognize that even if he does believe it and intend to follow through with it, his initial calls for action are part of making a deal: He asks for more than he expects. That’s just good sense, and with a good vice presidential candidate I could support him. If he does turn out to be full of it, the point will still stand if people vote for him: we’re sick and tired of DC’s bullshit.
Ted Cruz: My favorite front-runner. I know he’s got some detractors in my circles, but he has a damn smart legal mind and he stood by Rand Paul when he filibustered about drone strikes. He also had the balls to go against his party and push for a government shut-down over Obamacare. There are a lot of reasons to like him, and he’s taken a very clever position on Donald Trump: “I like him, even when I disagree with him, and I’m not responsible for what he says.” Even if Trump says something off-the-wall, Cruz does not feel the need to shiv Trump over it. I would not be surprised to learn they have a tacit agreement to not damage one another. I can get behind Cruz, and I think he’d wreck Hillary in a debate.
Ben Carson: Also anti-establishment, and also a recent conservative transformation. I trust him less than I trust Trump or Cruz, but he’s a lot better than any of the establishment candidates. I could support him with a really great vice presidential nominee. Either way, like most of the candidates, even if I don’t support him I’d hold my nose and vote for him.
Marco Rubio: A perfect example of the Establishment and/or Social Conservative will to shiv their own people in the back at the first opportunity. Rubio came to office on a strong tea-party result and he’s spent every day since becoming more like one of the Elitists. He’d pretty much have to nominate my wife as his VP to get my support. Maybe I’d support him if it were Rubio/Cruz or Rubio/Paul, but that’s not likely. Still, I think I’d vote for him over Hillary because Antonin Scalia won’t live forever.
The Middle of the Pack VP Hopefuls
Carly Fiorina: There could be an argument made that HP only crashed because the economy did, and she got it in bad shape. Maybe. She’s a California Republican and until fairly recently was a moderate Republican. I have no time for moderates on anything: everything in moderation, except for principles. She also still has the stink of McCain on her, and is a huge hypocrite: she mocked her female Senate opponent’s appearance during that campaign and got all butthurt when Trump (arguably) mocked hers. She has no realistic path to the nomination, but could be a VP pick that would drag the ticket down.
Chris Christie: Establishment candidate who recently discovered his conservative side. He’s also a huge authoritarian dickhead who supports spying on American citizens. Pass on any ticket he’s a part of.
No Chance Candidates
Rand Paul: My first and foremost choice due to my libertarianism. I like his stance on reforming the justice system, including the bullshit that is civil asset forfeiture. That said, it irritated me when he went after Ted Cruz for being a dick. Ted Cruz being a dick is part of his appeal. He was being a dick to Washington Establishment jerks. Paul was, too, but he’s got that McConnell stink on him now and that makes me hesitate. He’s playing the game a little too intently. But his attacks on Christie and Rubio are working wonders to erase my doubts. He’d be a good VP candidate.
Mike Huckabee: Too old, too socially conservative. I’d worry he would put Israel’s interests before our own due to his comments and I know how fast Social Cons turn on fiscal conservatism and American interests (see Bush, George W). No.John Kasich: Could you have a worse candidate? The guy is tainted with the bank industry, he’s tainted with the inside the Beltway GOP elite, and he’s tainted with Obamacare. He’s basically the new Bob Dole. No.
Are They Still Running?
Lindsey Graham: The Republican party is not going to nominate a low-testosterone closeted homosexual. Especially not one who has all the worst policies of GOP politics in the last decade and called his own constituents racists.
Jim Gilmore, George Pataki, Rick Santorum: No.Jeb Bush: Yep, all the way at the bottom. I think he’ll continue to poll better than most of the people above him on this list, but he’s such a distasteful little goblin I cannot imagine voting for him. Most everyone else on this list could salvage my vote with a great campaign and VP choice, but not Jeb. I’d almost vote for the Democrat out of spite if this man were the nominee. He’s awful to start with, but when that video surfaced of him whinging that he had cool stuff he could be rather than running I almost threw up in my mouth. What a gross little spoiled rich boy. His campaign was over the moment that surfaced. The moment in the debate where he demanded Trump apologize to his wife — and Trump said no — made it even worse. He’s an ineffectual, effete whiner. Fuck him and the gelding he rode in on.